Ditzy Dolly


Both Sides of Ditzy Dolly

Sweet-faced, big sky blue eyes, short and trim.  Smile painted on her face. Short bouncy blonde curls frame a face any little girl might love.  As a doll.

But what do you do when the perfect little doll is real and a person without a clear-functioning brain?  And you have to deal with her?  And a door knob has more sense?

To protect the ignoramus, I’ll refer to her as Ditzy Dolly.

Okay, I’m on a serious rant here because my life–which is usually stressful and sometimes difficult–has been made more so this past week because of someone like her.  My tummy is roiling with excess acid that my acid reducer isn’t handling.  My gut twists in an agonizing fashion when I hear her chirrupy voice on the other end of the phone.  A second ago I answered anticipating a friend.

Instead I got an idiot.  No, that’s too kind a term for someone who dons stupidity just because it’s probably worked for her in the past.  Well, I’m determined she won’t wear me down.  But it’s a struggle.  Especially these past few weeks.

I don’t like myself feeling like this.  Worse, I don’t like the feeling that because she drives me nuts I’m giving her control over me.  She doesn’t deserve the honor.

Oh, I’ve always remained calm while telling her the same thing 15 times because I’m sure she thinks if she tries to state again what she wants I’ll finally give in.  And give her what she wants.

Frustration and Temper

But I won’t.  I remain calm and firm and then when she’s finally retreated from the conversational field, I blow up.  At myself.  At my desk by pounding it with my doubled fists.  Of course, then my hands hurt more…If I’m very lucky, the friend whose call I was expecting does call soon.  She usually can tell by my voice I’ve done battle with Dolly once again.

Being a good friend, she gets me laughing about whatever was the cause for the most recent exercise in control (mine) over acts of brainless stupidity (Ditzy Dolly’s), and my temper ebbs away and my tummy acid recedes.

Now being the wise readers that you are, I’m sure you’re wondering why such a person is still in my life?  Why do I put up with infantile behavior, especially from a grown woman?  Because circumstances require it.  Sort of similar to a working environment where a co-worker is someone who takes up space and breathes air but doesn’t produce, or is just and all around pain in the ass.

Sometimes we have to put up with the pains in the asses in our lives.  And we’ve had to learn to deal with them.  Somehow.  Some way—because of the nature of what is happening in our lives.  Believe me, the minute it’s possible Ditzy Dolly will be out of my life boat and no life-line will be attached.  I’m sure she’ll easily find another unsuspecting person who will be lured in by need and an innocuous smile and what appears to be a willing spirit.  Poor them.

In the meantime, I’ve decided she will be some future character in a book.  If it’s a suspense, she’ll be the first victim.  If it’s women’s fiction, she’ll be the one no one feels sorry for and never learns.  Nope, that latter is too generous.  Ditzy Dolly will be the villain we all love to hate—with a passion only her stupidity can inspire.

Now you know my deepest darkest secret.  I’m a world-class, super-woman, royal bitch, and I will decimate Ditzy Dolly.  Hear me roar: “DOWN WITH DITZY DOLLY!!!”

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14 Comments on “Ditzy Dolly”

  1. Edie Ramer Says:

    Wow, she must be really, really annoying. I’m sending you hugs. A book is a good place to kill, er, put her.

  2. Elle J Rossi Says:

    You are hilarious. I’m so glad you said you would use her as a character because that’s what I was thinking all along. But don’t kill her first. She needs to die slowly, tortured, and realize that there is no one searching for her because no one loves her. Is that wrong? Maybe I got carried away…Maybe not.

    Have fun!

  3. caseyclifford Says:

    Edie,

    She’s beyond annoying–a world class, grade-A, lobotomized P_I_T_A who shouldn’t be using our limited clean air resources.

    And yes, a book is much safer than a potential probation or jail time. 🙂

  4. caseyclifford Says:

    Elle,

    See answer to Edie above. And oh, yes, I’m plotting and planning and feeling definitely that I will make the world safer–at least our corner and whatever book she lurks in. 🙂

  5. Nancy Kaye Says:

    I’m still laughing. This is definitely the way to rid yourself of frustration. My other idea would be a blizzard if your tummy could stand it. Send the hubby out to DQ. Liquor might be quicker,but the Blizzard will taste better.

  6. caseyclifford Says:

    Nancy,

    I never thought about the blizzard and since I was “on duty” yesterday, liquor was a no-no. But today may be the perfect day for a blizzard–of the ice cream variety. 🙂

  7. Deb Maher Says:

    I totally agree with the others. Put her in a book, kill her oh so slowly (in the book, mind you), and savor that blizzard. Wish I could join you!

  8. caseyclifford Says:

    Hi Deb,

    Glad you commented. Oh, she’ll be in a book, no doubt about it. I enjoyed the blizzard this afternoon and would have loved to be with you while I ate it.

  9. Morganne Says:

    Mary Jo, I’m thinking up all kinds of ways of causing minor irritation all the way to hurt. I can teach you all of them in less than 2 hours…what do you think??? You are so funny. You don’t need anyone’s help. You rock all on your own. Tell her to write her own way out ~ I do this all the time in mediation. Then write her into your next book with no mercy and a ton of artistic license. At the very least, it will make you feel better. BTW: you are much too kind to put up with any bull-shit.

    I have some good slap techniques that will rock her world but do no lasting damage if you’re interested. 🙂

    Morganne

  10. Teri Constant Says:

    Mary Jo,”Ditzy Dolly” is surely meant to get you to heaven. But I am thinking that a little time in purgatory would not be as painful. I was absolutely hating her just from your description. She has to be in one of your books.

  11. caseyclifford Says:

    Morganne,

    Sign me up for those slap techniques that will rock the world without doing damage. Now this is definitely something my heroines NEED!

    How wonderful having such inspiring writing friends!

  12. caseyclifford Says:

    Teri,

    The consensus is she must be in one of my books. So I’ve put on my thinking cap and will worry about heaven, hell, or purgatory later. 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by.


  13. LOL MJ. I was just talking to someone the other day about how Ditzy Doll people (though I admit I called them something else entirely!) truly seem oblivious to the higher functions of politeness and good taste. Personally, I think you’ve started a good trend. DD will now be the preferred code word.

  14. caseyclifford Says:

    Robin,

    It’s been a few years since I started a trend. Today’s worker/colleague may send me into another rant. Different blonde, different size, different temperament and definitely different bitch.


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